Thursday, July 30, 2015

Drawing Close To God

I hesitate to even write this post because I definitely do not feel like I have it all together, have figured out some amazing secret to being uber spiritual or anything like that, but I need to document this time in life.  This crazy season we are in, when life seems to be one big clean up blur, going by in a flash and yet the hours just crawl by.  A time when you can feel like super mom one day and then lose it an hour later when you yell at your kids for doing something you've asked them 40 million times not to do.  A time when sleeping through the night completely is never a guarentee, in fact you proabably guaranteed to wake up at least once each night more often than not.

All that to say we are tired, I am tired, exhausted, falling out any time I sit down kind of tired.  Mothering littles is not for the faint of heart that is for sure, it makes you weary, tests you in every possible way, and is relentless.  Which is why I knew I needed to be plugging into God's word and what He had for me each day, but I wasn't.  I had so many excuses, albeit good ones, "I am waking up every 2-3 hours to feed a baby" was at the very top of the list.  Now before I go any further let me say here and now I believe there is grace in all things.  I don't think God is sitting there with a timer ticking off when you do or don't do your quiet time.  I don't think He is mad at the exhausted mother who is getting every ounce of sleep she can, especially in those early months, however we should not stay there.  I was using the excuse even when I was only getting up once or twice.  Finally once my dear Halle Kate started sleeping through the night I knew I had run out of valid things to blame my lack of time spent with the Lord on.  It came down to my own motivation, lack of desire, and laziness.

As I type those words I cringe.  I cringe to think about how I felt towards the Maker of the world, how I thought, how I acted.  I don't know if I also felt like I didn't know how to get back to a place of closeness to God so that made the task kind of more daunting or what.  However this was me 3 weeks ago.  then a friend let me borrow a book called "Shopping for Time" and even though I only got part of the way through it, it totally changed my persepective and gave me the motivation to get up and meet with God before my day started.  Now let me tell you I have NEVER nor will I ever be a morning person.  I always thought those people or studies that said you should do your quiet time in the morning were saying it merely out of opinion (and they are to some extent) but that it would really never apply to me.  Arrogant I know, but it is what I thought.  This book somehow covinced me that getting up early is actually so much more beneficial and I don't even really remember how.  I do know they made a 5 AM club where they all would call or text to make sure each other was up and reading the word so they had motivation and accountability.  Maybe it was knowing I wasn't alone with getting up and going that finally did it, but I began getting up to read my bible.

And wouldn't you know it, God honored it.  He honored the "sacrifice" (and I use that term VERY loosely) of a few more minutes of shut eye and the choice to come sit at His feet and get my day started by mediating on Him.  I actually began to look forward to being up, to praying, to reading, to listening.  It has been so refreshing to my soul.  I don't know why I am so surprised by this, I should have done this a long time ago, God has been waiting to pour out this blessing on me, I have been the one to refuse it in a way.  Am I perfect? No way!  HK had a week in there where she had a UTI, and was up every 2-3 hours screaming  at night and there were mornings I just couldn't get up.  However, more often than not I am up.  I sometimes fall asleep again while praying (I try really hard not to do this, but its happened a few times) but I am doing it.  I have been praying scripture over myself and Mark, another passage over my children, and then reading whatever I happen to read that day whether its the proverb for the day, a psalm or the study I am currently doing with Mark.  

So yes, if this encourages anyone I hope it encourages you to know you can get up, you don't have to be a morning person, but you can start your day off at a mediating slow pace instead of running 2 steps behind your children from the moment you wake up.  I wish I could adequately describe how much better it makes you spiritually, but I think it is just something you may have to discover for yourself.  Do it, for a couple of weeks, and I guarantee you won't regret it.  

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