I have been pondering to myself lately over what does it mean to be a modern stay at home mom. As many of you already know, I am having to learn how to do this stay at home thing. Sometimes this can be a little scary, especially when you have the enemy lying in wait to whisper lies into your heart.
For the past couple of days I have been pondering many “what if” questions. These are never good, I know that, as I know I should give my worries to the Lord, but I failed. I allowed the enemy to enter into my thoughts and whisper lies to me about myself. The main lie I heard and the scariest one was “What if I don’t love Reid enough? What if I don’t like him the way I should? What if I don’t enjoy my own child the way he is meant to be enjoyed?” These thoughts crept into my mind, especially as I took pleasure in seeing my child interact with other people and the joy they had from him. I thought, “What if I am missing it?”
Thank goodness for husbands. The Lord was gracious to give me a wonderful man who is so wise (especially for being so young) and will take the time to encourage me. He reminded me of the fact I hear everyone around me say “Oh he is so cute, he is a wonderful baby, you’re so lucky, you’re so blessed he is so happy, you just don’t know how good you have it” and while all these things are true, these people are not the ones who are with him day in and day out. The ones saying these nice things are not the people who get up in the middle of the night a few times a week when he is teething, or who are there when he won’t fall asleep for nap time.
I am ever reminded that being a stay at home mom is a huge sacrifice. One I joyfully and gladly make most of the time. However there are those moments when life gets the best of me and I am not so glad or joyful to be up at 12:30, then at 5, and again for good at 6:30. I am learning to take my thoughts captive and surrender them to God, to mediate on His word, memorize it, live and breathe it. Hopefully I do not allow the devil to get into my heart and my head again with these thoughts. I love my little boy dearly, and I do enjoy the days I get to spend with him, watching him grow and thrive. I wonder if I am the only one who has had thoughts like this? Are there others? If you have and know other ways to fight the lies off and away from my heart I would love to know. Just leave a comment.
2 comments:
I completely understand; staying at home is a huge adjustment. Not contributing to the family finances has been the hardest part for me, but when I am having a rough day I just remind myself that I wouldn't want it any other way. If I went back to work Otto would be cared for by someone else, someone who doesn't know or love him as much as I do. Who would be benefiting from that situation, me or him? Being a mom you have to sacrifice a lot (sleep, personal time...etc.) but the dividends are worth it!
Love the new header btw, great job. Did you figure out Wordpress? I've been thinking about switching, Blogger can be so frustrating at times!
PS: We have a Phil and Ted stroller, bought it at a garage sale and it came with the second child seat. We really lucked out and even though we are the third owners it's still in great shape.
As I type, I have a sweet teething baby who is laying in his crib screaming. He needs to take a nap and he doesn't want to. And as I tried to be sweet and rock him, he just ripped my hair out. Needless to say, I lost it. So yes, I know exactly how you feel! And it is a battle to constantly beat those lies from the enemy. I don't always win.
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