Tuesday, August 10, 2010

That's What Mom's Are Good For

So instead of cleaning the kitchen like I should be doing, I am deciding to blog instead. Today I am a whopping 30 weeks:0) Which means only 10 weeks or less to go (and believe me I would be ok with a little less, like 2 weeks less lol)! Eek! I can't believe we are almost at the end of this thing, it is becoming a little more real now!

Which is why I had a breakdown in the car with Mark the other night, coming home from Shreveport. The pregnancy hormone stars aligned that night and I just had a super cry moment coming from the unknown and the uncertainty of all that is about to happen and change. I was telling him "What if I'm not good enough, what if I don't like it, what if we made the wrong decision for me to stay home? What if, what if, what if!" I was telling him that I wanted to be as excited as everyone else wanted me to be, but I was too scared to be. He was VERY understanding, comforting me, saying it is ok, telling me to trust in God, trust him, trust myself. So yeah I felt a little bit better and it was good to know his feelings too, that he is nervous as well (just handling it better than me).

So this brings us to yesterday when I was relaying this catastrophic breakdown to my mom and telling her how funny it must have been. I was laughing about how much I had been freaking out, and about what all I said to Mark, but at the same time I also started crying too (thank you pregnancy hormones once again) because I was still scared and unsure. So my mom, laughing with me, begin to talk to me and dispel my fears. She reminded me that I have never liked the unknown, and that is a bunch of what this is. She told me she believed in me, that I can do this, and keep a kid alive (which yes is a fear of mine, that I wont know what to do).

And for the first time this pregnancy really I began to feel ok with being pregnant. I haven't really liked it at all, and I think a major reason was because I was so scared, that I just dealt with it like it was no big deal. Um hello, have I seen my stomach, this IS a big deal! I told her I felt guilty about not liking it, and how I wanted to be more excited and couldn't, (all while laughing and crying lol), and how I just don't like it! She laughs and said, "yes but you like him, right" talking about baby Reid. I said, "Yes, but I am scared of him" and start laughing again! It was great! But for the first time it felt good to let go, to say I am scared, and to have someone say "You can do this, you're going to be great, and it will be ok!" So yeah, she definitely fulfilled her mom duty that day and helped me to feel much much better. For the first time I feel really good about being pregnant, and excited about this upcoming change in life.

So yeah, hopefully crazy pregnant lady crying and laughing spells are behind us and we can just look forward to having our precious baby boy!


Chris and Lydia said...

Oh sweetie, I totally understand! I did not enjoy being pregnant, the physical change, hormones, and discomfort were just the pits. But it is SO worth it in the end! Trust me, you will be fantastic at what comes after being pregnant, all the things I was worried about completely went away. (and were replaced with new things!) You will be able to keep him alive! You'll just wake up a million times at night to confirm it:)

Oh yes, one more thing to add to the hospital bag...baby nail clippers. Trust me, Otto came out with claws and I didn't have clippers so I bit them off! Totally gross, I know, but it worked and he quit scratching himself.

Traci Jones said...

I believe that you can do this and that you are going to be a super mommy to Reid. He is very lucky to have parents who love him very much. You are going to be a great mommy!

From East Texas to the Far East said...

You are going to be a WONDERFUL mommy! It is the best feeling in the world. We all have those feelings that we are not going to know what to do, but all those things melt away when you meet him for the first time. Your mommy instincts will kick in. There are a lot of things that I didn't know and there are even more that I still don't know, but in my opinion Genna is perfect and Reid will be, too. You have to figure out what works for you and go with it. Don't be afraid because he is not going to hurt you and he will be easier to take care of than you imagined. Don't let anyone else try to tell you how to raise him. That is a decision that you and Mark will make together. And don't regret any decisions that you have made, because they help shape you and help you rely more on God! Just remember, if you have any questions, you have some wonderful mommies in your family that you can look up to! They all helped raise you and you turned out incredible! Enjoy these last 10 weeks. I know it is hard and you want your body back, but you will miss being pregnant. I love you and I am praying for you! I know already that Reid is blessed with two amazing parents!!

The Newsham's said...

I'm so glad that your Mom was there to speak truth to you. I believe that you are going to be an amazing mother and will pray for you friend. Thanks for sharing your heart. Love you!