Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Problem

Today is yet another quiet mid-morning in the Clifton household with the baby asleep, the bathroom cleaned, and the kitchen and bedrooms, well they are a work in progress.  I have been enjoying my time here at home, I praise God for the blessings it has given me.  Time with my family, time with my little man, time with the dogs (however irritating that can be), time to get things done, time to be rejuvenated, time to rest, just time.  However, perhaps I am not using it as wisely as I should.

I go around and I read all my other friends' blog posts and they are all going through this seemingly great "spiritual revelation" time.  They have scripture, devotions, discoveries, and it all seems so nice.  And it makes me wonder, "Am I missing something, and if so, what is it?"  The thing is, I know that it is all my fault, that I am the one to blame for the whole "missing it" factor.

Since I have identified the problem, I know now I need to fix it.  It must become habit for me to sit down and read my bible, I repeat it MUST.  I also feel the strong need for more scripture memory in my life.  There are times when I think, "I could be pondering on God's word while I am doing ____(put in whatever task I happen to be doing at the time)" but I really do no know that much scripture.

Also, I need to be engaged in more constant prayer, not just when I feel like it, it is time for bed, Reid is incessantly crying, or I have lost something.  I long for conversation daily when I am in a house alone (or with someone who can't understand me yet, for which I am grateful most of the time), and yet I am missing the opportunity to have it with the One who deserves it most.  I know prayer is another area I am lacking in.   I long to be closer to my God, yet constantly find "better things to do" then to work on the relationship.  I know this is a dead end road.

It is like getting back into the swing of working out again.  About two weeks ago I told Mark he was to be my personal trainer and motivation in my head to get into shape again.  This is something I have honestly never had to worry about before, so it was hard for me to get started.  But after some encouragement from him and from another Mommy friend, I have been working out 5 days a week or so.  Nothing strenuous, just the elliptical for 30 minutes or so, or tennis, or just something to get me up and moving.  Let me tell you the first day was HARD, my legs hurt, my chest hurt, I was nasty and sweaty and red-faced, but I did it.  And you wanna know what, I felt good afterwards.  Accomplished.  That was helpful the next day when I knew I had to go back and do it all over again.  Now I enjoy it for the most part, I know it is needed.  I have made better choices in what I eat because of the change, and I have liked the falling number on the scale.

I feel like I am spiritually overweight, and not in a good way, spiritually lazy.  I have been relying on what I did in college to just get me by, but that just wont cut it anymore.  We are in a new era in life, and it is time to buck up again and become spiritually disciplined.  It is time to work out, and even though it might be hard at first, and it might hurt a little, I know I will feel good afterwards, I know I will realize how needed it is, I know.

So this is me, this is where I am.   I am not proud of my problem, but I am admitting it, and telling you I am going to change.

1 comment:

Meagan Joye said...

Amen, sister! I know exactly where you are coming from. I have good days and bad days, spiritually speaking, but on the days where I don't know what to read or I don't know what to pray, I read the daily devotional on and God always seems to use them to speak straight to me! I also have put little sticky notes all over the house with scriptures written on them. I put Proverbs 3:5-6 on the wall above Leeland's changing table and I read it to him all the time. I have had that verse memorized for years but when I was reading it the other day, it struck me in a brand new way! It was so neat. I'll be praying for you as you get into your spiritual (and physical) work out routine :)